(深受社区敬重和喜爱的戴庆龄老师不幸于2023年5月6日因胰腺癌, 在家人子女陪伴下, 于爱达荷州安详辞世。这是戴老师生前遗留并交待在她大去之后发表的最后一封信。戴老师的家人计划将她的骨灰海葬在夏威夷海滨, 圣路易大学高中将为她举行一场植树纪念追悼仪式, 日期尚未确定。)
一地尊严鸡毛碎 半生荣华落无声 – 胰腺癌末期患者的心路历程
My dignities were shattered into pieces, my Lifetime Achievement had silently vanished.
I was losing my dignity and glory with an unfinished life.
And starting a journey as a terminally ill pancreatic cancer patient.
The moment my daughter kneeled down holding an adult diaper, both of us had to face the truth. As her mother, I felt so many emotions seeing tears rolling down my 52-years-old daughter’s face.
People always say that daughters play the role of a “warm coat” for their mothers. I had always wanted my angelic daughter to dress up as a princess, but she was so rebellious, always getting dirt on her floral dresses, and losing the bows in her hair. I often got upset, and wasn’t there for her. I was too stubborn.
As a mom, I always believed that boys and girls are equal. But in our big family, many people held highest the eldest sons and grandsons – held as the most precious in the palms of hands. And over time, little princes became kings.
In order to pursue my freedom, I immigrated to the United States with no hesitations. I was determined to dedicate my spare time to the community, but also felt guilty not spending that time with my kids. I have done my best trying to be a good person.
The earth has rotated around the sun many times. My two children have successfully completed their studies, gotten their degrees and good jobs, married and had their own children. As I grew older, I often regret how I often argued with my daughter. Now, I feel stupid and guilty. I remember going to see her in Washington, where she was already the leader of her church. While we attended a service, she put her hand on my back, and I suddenly felt her love, support and encouragement. It reminded me of the time I had dropped her off at my girlfriend’s house for her to spend the night. I held her hands when I was leaving.
My son was always obedient, always followed the rules, and never made me mad. He was so easy going that i felt free like a bird.
Who would’ve guessed that COVID-19 would become so rampant, impacting families, friendships, and human relations. We have all been forced to make adjustments in our lives. I often asked, is God asking too much of me? Then, last April, I was diagnosed with terminal, incurable pancreatic cancer. I was not afraid of death. Within 10 minutes, I decided not to receive any treatment. I would face my destiny, play, eat, drink, and do whatever I want while I am still on this earth!
Soon after my diagnosis, my friends and I got together and they were all pleasantly surprised to see that I was still energetic. But bigger challenges soon came, one after another. My dearest and beloved older brother passed away on his 90th birthday. He was blessed. We celebrated his life with a Facetime call with family in every corner of the world.
My close friends sent me off to my son’s house to spend family time together. March 4, 2023 was the day when everything changed — I could no longer go outside.
Boise, Idaho 的冬天从3月初到3月底,就稀稀落落地隔三差五的撒上一层雪。好不容易盼到儿孙放春假，兴高采烈的准备去尝试一下雪山环绕下浸泡温泉的幸福。
The Boise, Idaho winter snow came down every other day for the whole month of March. Finally spring came, my grandkids began their spring break, and we all looked forward to a visit to the hot springs that were surrounded by snowy mountains.
Everyone was so excited to see the remaining snow when we were driving down the ravine. We got excited when we saw our resort in the distance. Everyone was so happy to bathe in the hot springs.
Then, as soon as I got out of the car, I felt the wind and a flooding feeling in my pants. My daughter led me straight to the bathroom. As soon as we entered, with no hesitation, my daughter knelt down and cleaned my body with her hands. I had become a child who had become a burden. My dignity was shattered.
For several nights in a row, I had nightmares that made me anxious. I dreamed I fell to the ground and couldn’t get up on my own. My kids decided to put a bell on my walker so that whenever I moved around, they would know to come help me. In the first few days, I refused to do anything they asked me to do. I was fighting to keep my freedom. My three older kids tried to break my stubbornness. They begged me to use a walker. They bought beautiful champagne-color roses for me. They said all of the nicest words to me. They were so relieved when I finally gave in. But I felt like a child. Tears rolled down my face.
My kids begged me to use a walker. They bought beautiful champagne-color roses for me. They said all of the nicest words to me. They were so relieved when I finally gave in. But I felt like a child. Tears rolled down my face.
I have been unable to go outside since March 4. My kids ordered me no to go outside. I knew When the day I could walk outside is the day I would considering getting better.
Finally Easter is here, it’s a celebration of the return of spring and endless hope to the whole wide world. God, would you give me some hope for my recovery too please !!!
However, life is a journey, whether it is a rugged mountain road, or Sunshine Avenue, with its beautiful scenery, or thorns and bumps, ups and downs, or smooth paths. There is always a stop. And my stop has arrived. It’s time for me to get off and say goodbye.
My last message to my beloved school: Please plant a pear tree. A pear blossom blooms from the spring rain. It is visible with our eyes, but subtle, and not domineering. It is fragrant every April, bringing hope into the world.