(深受社区敬重和喜爱的戴庆龄老师不幸于2023年5月6日因胰腺癌, 在家人子女陪伴下, 于爱达荷州安详辞世。这是戴老师生前遗留并交待在她大去之后发表的最后一封信。戴老师的家人计划将她的骨灰海葬在夏威夷海滨, 圣路易大学高中将为她举行一场植树纪念追悼仪式, 日期尚未确定。)
一地尊严鸡毛碎 半生荣华落无声 – 胰腺癌末期患者的心路历程
My dignities were shattered into pieces, my Lifetime Achievement had silently vanished.
I was losing my dignity and glory with an unfinished life.
And starting a journey as a terminally ill pancreatic cancer patient.
当女儿双膝跪下、双手扯下”尿不湿”的瞬间，52年的母女要赤裸裸地直面而对，做母亲的情何以堪！做女儿的泪流满面。
The moment my daughter kneeled down holding an adult diaper, both of us had to face the truth. As her mother, I felt so many emotions seeing tears rolling down my 52-years-old daughter’s face.
女儿是妈妈的小棉袄，从小妈妈多么希望把小公主打扮的天使一般，可女儿就是叛逆，梳了辫子一会就不见了花蝴蝶！穿了花裙下秒就染上了污漬！每每到了紧要关头，气沖沖的媽媽丟下哭涕涕的女兒揚長而去。
People always say that daughters play the role of a “warm coat” for their mothers. I had always wanted my angelic daughter to dress up as a princess, but she was so rebellious, always getting dirt on her floral dresses, and losing the bows in her hair. I often got upset, and wasn’t there for her. I was too stubborn.
媽媽真不是個重男輕女的女性。可是大家庭里自有不少人以长子长孙为重、把儿子捧在手心窝里“有爱心的粉丝团”。久而久之小霸王就成了气候 。
As a mom, I always believed that boys and girls are equal. But in our big family, many people held highest the eldest sons and grandsons – held as the most precious in the palms of hands. And over time, little princes became kings.
为了扭转乾坤，为了追求自由、妈妈义无反顾的移民美国去做普通平民。也犯上了傻劲，把工作之余的时间献给了社区，想做个好公民嘛！
In order to pursue my freedom, I immigrated to the United States with no hesitations. I was determined to dedicate my spare time to the community, but also felt guilty not spending that time with my kids. I have done my best trying to be a good person.
星移日转两个孩子顺顺利利地学成就业，结婚生子。无意有意中常遗憾女儿怎么始终喜欢跟我鬥嘴、可我嘴笨说不过她啊！记得一次去华府看她。她已是教会的长老。领我礼拜。一只小手往我背上一搭，猛然间感觉她给我的支持，就像当年我送她去女伴家过夜，临别时的两手一握，传递了无限的支持和鼓励.
The earth has rotated around the sun many times. My two children have successfully completed their studies, gotten their degrees and good jobs, married and had their own children. As I grew older, I often regret how I often argued with my daughter. Now, I feel stupid and guilty. I remember going to see her in Washington, where she was already the leader of her church. While we attended a service, she put her hand on my back, and I suddenly felt her love, support and encouragement. It reminded me of the time I had dropped her off at my girlfriend’s house for her to spend the night. I held her hands when I was leaving.
儿子的成长绝对是乖乖牌。循規蹈矩絕不惹媽置氣. 这余下的日子老妈自由飞鸟归林，面朝大海，随时都是一场说走就走的旅行！
My son was always obedient, always followed the rules, and never made me mad. He was so easy going that i felt free like a bird.
谁曾想新冠猖獗、颠覆亲情、友情、人情……每个人都在做适度的调整。老天对我的要求是否过分了一点？去年四月宣布我得了不治之症胰腺癌末期。我这个连死都不怕的疯子，反应只有10分钟，直面死亡，不接受治疗，该玩玩、该吃吃，该喝喝、该怎么就怎么！
Who would’ve guessed that COVID-19 would become so rampant, impacting families, friendships, and human relations. We have all been forced to make adjustments in our lives. I often asked, is God asking too much of me? Then, last April, I was diagnosed with terminal, incurable pancreatic cancer. I was not afraid of death. Within 10 minutes, I decided not to receive any treatment. I would face my destiny, play, eat, drink, and do whatever I want while I am still on this earth!
当时慰问过聚会过的朋友们都惊喜于我的活力. 只是更大的考验接踵而来。和我至亲至爱的哥哥在90岁生日的睡眠中去世，他是有福之人。跟散居世界各地的儿孙辈们当天都视频过了，这样的生命是值得庆祝的！
Soon after my diagnosis, my friends and I got together and they were all pleasantly surprised to see that I was still energetic. But bigger challenges soon came, one after another. My dearest and beloved older brother passed away on his 90th birthday. He was blessed. We celebrated his life with a Facetime call with family in every corner of the world.
阔别多年的姐妹淘，决心去儿子家共度难得的亲情时光。3/4/2023这个翻天的里程碑，形成了我窗里、窗外的分界线。
My close friends sent me off to my son’s house to spend family time together. March 4, 2023 was the day when everything changed — I could no longer go outside.
Boise, Idaho 的冬天从3月初到3月底,就稀稀落落地隔三差五的撒上一层雪。好不容易盼到儿孙放春假，兴高采烈的准备去尝试一下雪山环绕下浸泡温泉的幸福。
The Boise, Idaho winter snow came down every other day for the whole month of March. Finally spring came, my grandkids began their spring break, and we all looked forward to a visit to the hot springs that were surrounded by snowy mountains.
车子一路驶向山沟里，居然还有很多积雪。远远看到一处度假村。大家都高兴的准备来个温泉洗浴。
Everyone was so excited to see the remaining snow when we were driving down the ravine. We got excited when we saw our resort in the distance. Everyone was so happy to bathe in the hot springs.
刚一下车冷风灌入裤脚，猛觉胯下云腾雾气黄汤泛滥。女儿牵着我直奔厕所。一进那小屋子，濁氣薰天黃禍直流，女儿高挑的身影，毫不犹豫地跪倒在地，两手不停地处理秽物。老妈妈成了失控失禁的娃儿， 一生的尊嚴落地無聲，鸡毛亂飛。
Then, as soon as I got out of the car, I felt the wind and a flooding feeling in my pants. My daughter led me straight to the bathroom. As soon as we entered, with no hesitation, my daughter knelt down and cleaned my body with her hands. I had become a child who had become a burden. My dignity was shattered.
接连着几个晚上连续做噩梦，只怕对我心里的打击十分紧迫，两个晚上噩梦中跌倒在地，自己爬不起来。接着孩子就要求我，无论去哪儿都要用walker要做什么放个铃铛，让他们来帮忙。开始几天，我怎么也不肯，觉得从此失去自由。三个大孩子跟我好话说尽，我用walker是他们的福气，如果我摔出了毛病，那才是他们最大的担心。
For several nights in a row, I had nightmares that made me anxious. I dreamed I fell to the ground and couldn’t get up on my own. My kids decided to put a bell on my walker so that whenever I moved around, they would know to come help me. In the first few days, I refused to do anything they asked me to do. I was fighting to keep my freedom. My three older kids tried to break my stubbornness. They begged me to use a walker. They bought beautiful champagne-color roses for me. They said all of the nicest words to me. They were so relieved when I finally gave in. But I felt like a child. Tears rolled down my face.
三个大孩子求个老孩子一定要用walker，买了好看的玫瑰（香槟色）对我好话说尽，老泪纵横我只有听话。
My kids begged me to use a walker. They bought beautiful champagne-color roses for me. They said all of the nicest words to me. They were so relieved when I finally gave in. But I felt like a child. Tears rolled down my face.
我从3/4号至今没法出门，不准出门。我什么时候走得出门，才算是走向健康！
I have been unable to go outside since March 4. My kids ordered me no to go outside. I knew When the day I could walk outside is the day I would considering getting better.
年度的复活节，带给普天同庆春回大地的无限希望。苍天啊！也给我一点康复的希望吧！
Finally Easter is here, it’s a celebration of the return of spring and endless hope to the whole wide world. God, would you give me some hope for my recovery too please !!!
不过，生命是一场旅途，不管是崎岖山路，还是阳关大道，风光旖旎，还是荆棘坎坷，跌宕起伏，还是顺顺利利…都有到站的时候。我的终点站到了。下车喽！永远的再见。
However, life is a journey, whether it is a rugged mountain road, or Sunshine Avenue, with its beautiful scenery, or thorns and bumps, ups and downs, or smooth paths. There is always a stop. And my stop has arrived. It’s time for me to get off and say goodbye.
我给学校的遗言是为我种一棵梨花（梨花一枝春带雨、依稀可辨眼与眉,不张不扬不霸气，芳菲最是四月天）
My last message to my beloved school: Please plant a pear tree. A pear blossom blooms from the spring rain. It is visible with our eyes, but subtle, and not domineering. It is fragrant every April, bringing hope into the world.
